if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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