I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
