so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
