Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
