As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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