Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
