The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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