sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
