i wish my penis had a tongue
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
