So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Found the puke drawer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
