If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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