It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
