I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
