I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
