Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I love having hate sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
