I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
