I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
