"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
