We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
