Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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