I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
