I heard we made out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
