she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
