I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well you can't waste a boner
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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