Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
