remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
