Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
