just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
