Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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