she looked like the before picture.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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