I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
