I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
