so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
