After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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