can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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