walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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