I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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