Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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