he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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