If i come over, it means nothing
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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