I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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