He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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