Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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