Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
