just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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