I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
