i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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