ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
