the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
