my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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