Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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