I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
