You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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