they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
