If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
