does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
