Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
