I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
