My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Shame - the story of my life.
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