im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
