Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
