woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
