tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
